Lips of an Angel
by Aurora Mikayla
Summary: Inspired by the song Lips of an Angel by Hinder. A late night phone call brings certain truths to light, that perhaps were better off in the dark. RavenRobin Chapter 4 Up! Please note the rating has changed for minor descriptions.
1. Lips of an Angel

Okay, this was inspired by the song "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. I absolutely love the song, and this has been running around in my head all day. It's in Robin's point of view only. It hasn't been beta'd, or edited, and I don't know that it's all that good, so if you hate it, that's alright, I had to write it. It was driving me nuts. If you haven't heard the song, you're missing out. It's GREAT!

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The ringing phone startled Richard from his place at his desk, his computer screen casting an eerie glow around the room, the sun having set long ago with the room's occupant not noticing the growing darkness in his state of concentration. He glanced at the clock and was startled to see that it was shortly after midnight. He quickly grabbed the phone before it could wake his sleeping girlfriend in next room. 

"Hello?" He waited for a few seconds, hearing nothing on the other end. After repeating his greeting, he was preparing to hang up, when he heard a quiet sob on the other end of the line.

"Richard?" He froze, his eyes widening slightly as he glanced at the clock once again, wondering why she was calling so late, why she was in tears.

"Raven? Why are you calling so late?" He kept his voice low, hoping Kori was still sleeping and hadn't been awoken by the ringing of the telephone. He also didn't want her privy to this conversation, feeling slightly guilty at the pleasure that flooded through him at the sound of her low voice speaking his name. It sounded so sweet, even after all this time.

"Richard, can you talk now? I'm sorry for calling so late, but I needed to talk to you." Raven's voice was soft as well, as if she was trying to keep this conversation as secret as he was. He froze again, barely breathing as he heard soft noises from the next room, before relaxing slightly as they stopped.

"I can't really talk right now, but what's wrong? Why are you crying? Is everything alright?" He felt his heart catch slightly at the idea that something was wrong with her. He found himself reaching for the picture hidden in the bottom drawer of his desk, taking it out and staring at her perfect face staring at him, her lips turned up slightly, her eyes deep and mysterious, drawing him in even from the picture frame. His finger traced lightly over her lips, the lips of an angel he remembered all too well.

"I…." She paused here, as if uncertain on what to tell him, as if unsure about his reaction to it. Richard heard her take a deep breath before continuing in a soft voice, a slight hitch telling him that she was perhaps not as calm as she would like to be. "I had a dream Richard. It was like it was before, after my father, but….before everything went wrong. It was so perfect…do you…" She paused again, her breathing slightly heavier as she tried to control her tears. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we hadn't said goodbye?"

Richard stared down at the picture in his hands, his thumb tracing the curve of her face, thinking back on what they had once shared. "Yes." His voice was soft, almost more a breath then an actual sound. "I had a dream about it too. A few days ago." Admitting this brought a sharp pain to his chest, the realization that they had never really moved on, settling into him and bringing forth a flood of memories. His shoulder's hunched slightly as he remember that Kori was in the next room, sleeping peacefully, waiting for him to come to bed, believing in him, believing him to be faithful. Although, he had never been unfaithful to her, did it count if he sometimes found himself wishing that she was a purple haired half-demon with a remarkable temper and the lips of an angel?

"I miss you Richard." The words reached his ear in a soft whisper, the tone one of regret and pain. He felt himself grow weak at the idea that maybe she missed him as much as he had missed her for the past two years. He thought he had let it die, and had moved on, had settled down with Kori, but perhaps neither of them had really put it behind them.

"It's funny that you called tonight…I was thinking about you and Roy today, wondering if there were going to be wedding bells in the future." His thumb stopped tracing her face at the thought of her boyfriend, probably asleep somewhere in their apartment across town. He had seen it only a few times, right before he and Raven had broken up. It was her apartment, newly purchased, newly decorated. Richard had believed that he was the one who would be living their with her, not Roy. "Does he know you're talking to me?" It had taken them awhile to become friends again, but they had eventually managed to do so. Then Roy happened. He still wasn't sure how they had gotten together, only that it had changed everything. "Will it start a fight?" His hand clenched harder around the phone at the idea of Roy being mad at Raven for talking to him. _Possessive jerk._ The anger crossed his mind briefly, followed by the flash of guilt that accompanied the realization that Kori had no clue that he and Raven were once again in contact.

She sighed into the receiver, and he swore he could feel her pain across the line.

"He's not home. He doesn't know. I don't know where he is actually. Nor do I especially care. We had a fight. About you actually. He says I haven't gotten over you, says that I compare him to you, and apparently find him lacking. I lashed out at him in return, and he stormed out. Hasn't been home since. Happened about 6 hours ago." He sighed at her words, feeling guilt settling more heavily onto his shoulders, weighing them down with the fact that he was the cause for her unhappiness.

"Honey, why are you calling so late? You could have called me earlier." The endearment slipped out, without conscious thought on his part. He had called her "honey" for the better part of 3 years, and it felt so good to say it to her again, never having used it for Kori. It would have betrayed what he had with Raven.

"I didn't want you to have to explain to Kori why I was calling. I…..I didn't want to risk talking to her. How could I tell her that I have yet to get over her boyfriend? Especially when I have one of my own." Her voice lacked strength, she seemed to be drained of energy. "I realized that after Roy left actually. That he had been right. That I did compare him to you and find him lacking, that I never had gotten over you. I miss you Richard." She paused for a moment, whether to give him a chance to respond, or to gather her thoughts he didn't know, incapable of answering her either way, his thoughts jumbled at the idea of not being the only one still stuck in the past. "I love you Richard. That's why I called so late, I had to tell you." The phone clicked in his ear, signaling the end of the conversation, his emotions awhirl with what he had just heard.

Raven still loved him. The words made him weak in the knees just thinking about it. It was so sweet to finally have it vindicated, to finally know that she still felt that same. That he was not alone in that. He hung up the phone slowly, knowing that she wouldn't talk to him again tonight, that even if he called her back, she wouldn't respond to him. He stared down at the picture of his ex-girlfriend in his hands, her perfect features frozen in a happier time for both of them. He was lost as to what to do. If Raven even wanted to do anything about it. And what about Kori? He had promised to be faithful to her when they had started dating. But Raven…

He sighed deeply before putting the picture back in its hiding place, shutting down his computer and making his way to the bedroom that was lit from the full moon, its light making the red hair of his girlfriend glow. He stared down at her for a second, before climbing into the opposite side of the bed, his back turned towards her. He closed his eyes and tried to find a comfortable spot, trying to block all thoughts of Raven and her declaration out of his mind. He didn't know what he should do, and couldn't decide tonight. He needed time to think, time to decide what course he was going to take. Kori turned and snuggled up to his back. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, remembering the feel of a different woman at his back, her arm wrapped snugly around him in sleep. Grey-tinted skin and deep amethyst eyes haunted him as he tried to relax, tried to fall into the gentle rhythm of the land of dreams. They followed him into his dreams, into a happy time that he had tried to put behind him. It was hard to be faithful to the woman at his back, when he had never really moved on from the woman with the lips of an angel.

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Well I hope you enjoyed it, and if not, that's alright as well. Please let me know in the wonderful review button below. Also, let me know if you think I should continue it. I'm a little indecisive about whether I should or not. It didn't go quite as I had hoped, but I rather like it. Probably cause I"m still listening to the song. LOVE IT!

Also, please understand, it's not that I don't like Kori, I couldn't really think of another person that would make sense, since I adore Raven and Robin.

I'm working on the next chapter of "Only New Beginnings", but I make no promises on when it will be out!

Ciao for now!

Aurora Mikayla


	2. Goodbye to You

Well here it is, chapter 2 of Lips of an Angel. This chapter was inspired by Michelle Branch's "Goodbye to You". It's a little angsty, and written at about 1 am, so if it's terrible, well...yeah. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. It ended up being a lot longer that I had anticipated, but I hope you like it.

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Raven's hand shook as she held the bottle of brandy, watching the dark, amber liquid splash into her crystal glass, sloshing slightly over the rim. She set the bottle down, and picked up the glass, her hand shaking so much, she had to use both hands to bring the glass to her trembling lips. She closed her eyes as she drank the liquor down in one swallow, gasping slightly as it burned its way down her throat. She grabbed the bottle again, her hand a little more steady, and poured herself half a glass before moving away from the liquor cabinet back towards the chair she had vacated when she had become too restless to sit any longer. 

_Of all the things I believed in, I just want to get it over with._

_Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry, counting the days that pass me by._

Raven was not normally a drinker. Years of practice had taught her the necessity of control, and her half-demon make-up ensured that she burned off the alcohol quickly. However, she had discovered, one lonely, miserable night about 3 years ago, that brandy was not so easily burned off, and could actually help calm her down. She used it rarely, slightly afraid of becoming dependant upon its affects, but tonight she desperately needed something, anything to help her emotions settle, for she was quickly becoming unwound, her emotions turbulent from the events of the evening.

_I've been searching deep down in my soul; words that I'm hearing are starting to get old;_

_Feels like I'm starting all over again, the last years are just pretend, and I say;_

She settled into the comforting cushions of her favourite, stuffed, blue chair, wrapping herself in the afghan thrown over the back; a present from Starfire many years ago, when they had still been friends, before everything had changed, before life had intruded upon the world of teenage superheroes and they were forced to grow up. Raven clutched it to her chest in one hand, the other hand holding the brandy coming to rest upon her upraised knees, pulled up closely to her chest, a mocking display of her need to be comforted on the rainy October night. She listened to the wind howl, as the rain pounded against the large glass windows that covered one wall, the lights from the city dimmed by the storm howling through the night sky. She raised the glass to her lips, taking a long sip before lowering it once more and settling her head against the side of the chair, a shaking sigh escaping her lips as she closed her eyes and tried to calm herself.

_Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew;_

_You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold onto;_

The argument between herself and Roy spun through her head again, and she felt her breathing hitch once again as his angry words, and her own cutting replies played across the backs of her eyelids like a horror movie you couldn't leave.

_**Flashback**_

Roy stood with his back to her; his shoulders tense, his hand clenched as he tried to control his breathing. He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick straight up on end, as he spun back to face her, hurt and anger warring on his face as if he couldn't decide which emotion would be the right one to feel. He regarded her silently, noting the lack of emotion on her face, noting the cool violet gaze, and hating that he couldn't mask his own emotions where she was concerned.

"Why do you keep doing this?? I asked you to marry me!! Marriage Raven!! The 2.5 kids, the white picket fence, everything!! Why are you doing this??" He dropped to his knees in front of her, grasped her hands in his and raised them to his lips to press a kiss to her knuckles.

"Aren't we happy? We have an apartment, we have jobs, we have lives, we have each other. I want to marry you, I love you! You complete me, and I want that ring on your finger that declares to the World that you're taken, that you belong to someone who loves you with everything that he is. I want that ring on my finger that tells the World that I belong to the perfect woman, that I belong to my partner, my best friend and the woman I love. I want that!! I want the World to know that you are mine!! And that I am yours! Don't you want that? Don't you love me like that?" He gripped her hands a little tighter and stared up at her, noting the darkening of her gaze, but she had yet to say anything in response to his queries.

He pushed himself to his feet again, pacing in front of her, the grinding of his teeth audible as he tried to restrain himself from grabbing her and shaking the answer out of her. "Damn it Raven!! I deserve a reason for you saying no!! Don't I at least get a reason??" Roy paused, as if a thought had just crossed his mind, and he ran his hand through his hair again, gripping it as if to tear it out, and he sighed heavily, before his shoulders slumped, and his hands dropped to his sides as if he hadn't the strength to hold them up any longer.

"It's him isn't it?? It's always been him!!" He watched her open her mouth, once again to deny it and something snapped inside of him. Roy was startled by the anger coursing through his veins; anger at the woman before him, anger at himself for his continued delusions, anger at the man that was the root of his problem.

"He's always been in this relationship, whether you want to admit it or not!" He cut her off as she tried to interrupt. "No!! It's always been about him!! WHY?? Why am I not good enough for you? What does he have that I don't? I love you!!! Don't you get that?? I LOVE YOU!!" Roy didn't realize that he was shouting, his anger and anguish poured out of him, and the empath in front of him felt like she was drowning in his emotions. "He left you!! He walked away and didn't look back, and still you keep him with you!! Still you compare me to him, and somehow find me lacking?? WHY??? I have done everything you have asked of me, I have waited and hoped and still you cling to a memory of a man that doesn't love you back!! A man that walked away from you when you needed him!" Suddenly the anger seemed to drain out of him and only the anguish remained. He looked at her with tears in his eyes, and couldn't be strong anymore.

Roy sank into the chair behind him, and realized that he was crying, silent tears that seemed to burn into Raven more than his screaming had done. He stared down at his hands for a moment, before lifting his head to lock eyes with the purple-haired beauty before him, and he felt his heart clench at the anger that was finally reflected in her face. He opened his mouth, not knowing what to say but she cut him off with an icy glare.

"How dare you? I compare you to him??" Roy noticed that she didn't need to ask who the _him_ he was referring to was. "It's been three years Roy!! Three!! That ended a long time ago, and I have moved on from him, I moved in with you for heaven's sake, and now you have the nerve to say that I compare you to him?? That he's in our relationship?" She scoffed, and he sat up straighter, anger once again starting to grow as he noticed that she had yet to disprove his theories. "I have no need to compare you to him! You do that all by yourself!! You always have! Always had to be the best, always Mr. Competitive, always number one! You've always competed with him, who's the better fighter, who was the better girl magnet, who could lead the Titans better, who made the better side-kick! And now you have the nerve to accuse me of comparing you? I had no need to, you did it for me!! You always tried to one-up him, even in our relationship, trying to do things that he would have done, trying to do them better!" Raven's voice had risen by the end of her passionate speech, while Roy stared at her in stunned disbelief before shaking his head and leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees as he gripped his head in his hands, his palms pressed tight against his eyes as he tried to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

Raven stared at the man before her, startled by the despair and anguish now pouring off of him, by the defeat that seemed to weigh down his shoulders and the wetness that was seeping through his fingers. She took deep breaths, shocked at her own outburst, wondering why she had lashed out so irrationally at her boyfriend, when she hadn't been able to find a reason, a valid one for why she shouldn't marry him. Why she had struck out at him when she had realized that his arguments for them getting married were valid, that they were happy, and that he undoubtedly loved her. She reached out with her hand, as if to touch him, but pulled back when he spoke into his hands, his voice muffled, but audible in the room, the only sound the wind that was starting to pick up, heralding a storm that had been predicted for days.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't share you with him anymore." His voice caught, and he scrubbed harshly at his face before raising his eyes to meet her darkening gaze, sadness turning her eyes a deep indigo. Roy traced her face with his eyes, memorizing each line, each shadow, the colour of skin, the lustrous black of her lashes, and her perfectly shaped lips, his breath hitching in his chest as he fought for control. "I love you Raven. I have loved you for years, and I would do anything for you, but I can't share you with him. I can't have only half of you, especially when he has your heart. I would give you anything you ask, and all I ask of you in return, is to give me your heart, but you can't do that, so I can't stay. This is killing me, and I can't keep doing it….I just…I love you too much to love only half of you. That may be selfish of me, but sometimes love is like that." He watched her again, noting the moisture gathering in her eyes, and the slight tremble in her lips, and abruptly stood, needing to get away from her before he convinced himself, once again, that it would just take time and she would love him; before he could fool himself into thinking that maybe it would all work out, even with her tied to a past she was unwilling to let go of.

Roy grabbed his coat, throwing it on, and pulling on his shoes. He stopped with one hand on the door as she called his name.

"Roy? Will you be coming back?" She sounded so unsure of herself, so unlike the Raven he loved, that he sighed and dropped his head, grinding his teeth to stop himself from going to her and comforting her once again. He turned slightly, noting that she had stood up, and was clasping her hands in front of her, fidgeting with her fingers as she did when she was unsure of what to do. He turned away quickly, fighting to keep the tears out of his eyes again, and opened the door.

"I don't know." He didn't wait for her response but simply walked out and closed the door gently behind himself. Roy took swift strides down the corridor to the elevator and pushed the down button, not certain he could make it down the 15 flights of stairs without collapsing. He waited for the elevator, his eyes drifting down to the end of the hall, to their doorway. He found himself holding his breath, waiting to see if she would come after him, demand that he come back, declare that she loved him, and only him. He expelled the breath with a deep sigh when the elevator arrived with a ding and she had not come out. It didn't look like she was going to, and his shoulders slumped once again at that realization. He dejectedly shot one more look down the hall before stepping into the elevator, pressing the ground floor button and closing his eyes as he walked away from the woman he loved, unsure of where he was going, or what he was going to do, only knowing that there would be no marriage for them in the future. His heart breaking, Roy Harper strode out of the glass doors of their building, not noticing the eyes of the security guards on him as he walked into the start of the rain, his thoughts and emotions in a tangle as he tried to sort out what was left of his life.

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Raven had been angry when he had walked out, angry with his declaration that she was holding back in their relationship, angry that he would claim she would compare him to Richard of all people!! Her ex!! She had stalked around the apartment; torn between running after him to hash it all out, and the part of her that said to let him be, that he would cool down, and come back and they would work it out. 

She found herself pacing the living room, the lightning outside lashing at the night sky as she argued against him in her mind, her eyes narrowed to a cold, deep amethyst as she glared at the objects in their apartment, almost surprised they didn't catch on fire.

_I can't believe he would say those things!! How dare he? Compare him to Richard? As if I have a need to!! He does it for me! Always pointing out the differences between them, as if I wasn't aware of them!_ A glint of light caught the corner of her eye, and she found her gaze drawn to the small, black velvet box that rested so innocently on the coffee table, the object that had started the fight earlier in the day, or rather her refusal to answer the question the ring that lay nestled inside it had brought with it. She turned towards the table and picked up the ring box, staring down at the large diamond ring nestled in its centre, wondering how such a small object could cause such a reaction within her. She recalled her reaction to Roy's proposal of marriage, the shock and denial that had surged through her, and wondered why it had been that way, why the ring itself seemed to repulse her.

_I used to get lost in your eyes, and it seems that I can't live a day without you;_

_Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away, to a place where I am blinded by the light, but it's not right._

Raven sank into the cushions as she stared into the depth of the diamond that Roy had chosen for her, and wondered at why it felt so wrong, why the ring that lay inside the box had scared her. She hesitantly pulled it out, and slipped it onto her ring finger, wondering how it would fit there. The ring felt awkward and heavy on her finger; it looked like a child trying on their mother's ring, as the stone and setting were far too large for her slender fingers. _Richard would have chosen a smaller diamond, surrounded by amethysts to match my eyes, in an antique silver setting, one that would…_ Raven's thoughts trailed off in horror as she realized that she was doing exactly what Roy had accused her of, she was comparing his choice to what Richard would have done, and she quickly took the ring off and put it back in the box, her thoughts whirling as she discovered a truth that she had hidden from herself for so long that she wasn't even conscious of doing it. Memories flashed through her mind, of other instances when Roy would bring her home a present and she would compare it to what Richard had bought her when they were dating; moments of passion when she would find herself comparing his kisses to those of the Boy Wonder that was no longer a large part of her life; moments of sadness when she craved comfort from warm arms that belonged to someone other than her boyfriend. She stared at the ring in horror, before smacking the box away, not watching as it bounced across the floor, coming to rest under the chair Roy had vacated not too long before.

_Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew._

_You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold onto._

"Oh my god…" Raven breathed it out loud, a clash of thunder seemingly emphasizing her epiphany. She tried to get up and found her legs too weak to support her as emotions crashed through her; disbelief, fear, sadness, denial, loss, regret and a longing so strong it took her breath away. She slumped back into the pillows and let the tears come, tears for herself and what she had lost, and tears for Roy, who had done nothing but love her. They fell hot and heavy and she found herself sobbing into a pillow, for once not caring about being strong, just letting go of the emotions that plagued her, and letting it all out. She was not surprised that black tendrils of magic escaped her control and toppled the coffee table and chair that Roy had vacated, but they did no other damage, simply seemed to drift around, a reflection of the conflicting emotions within her, and her hard-fought control of many years of practice.

Raven cried until she felt drained, felt empty and almost clear for the first time in years. She had never let go of Richard, she realized that now, and realized that she had been unspeakably cruel to Roy, even if she had never meant to be. She wiped at her eyes, hiccupping softly as she brought her breathing back under control. She had never lost control like that, and it was very cleansing, leaving her mind clear and her emotions settled as she leaned against the back of the couch for support as she seemed to have no energy left.

Her mind drifted and she fell asleep, clutching a throw pillow to her chest, using it like a life-line, something to hold onto in the emptiness that followed the tears.

_It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time;_

_I want what's yours and I want what's mine, I want you, but I'm not giving in this time._

Raven awoke with a start, a sudden crash of thunder shaking her from her sleep. Her eyes felt crusty, and she wiped her hands over them, trying to get rid of the gritty feeling that her tears had left behind. She managed to pry her eyes open, and looked at the clock above the entertainment unit, startled to find that it was 11 pm already. She looked around the apartment, noting the lack of light and noise, noticing that she couldn't feel Roy close by, realizing he hadn't come back yet.

She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, picking herself up from the couch, her legs tingling from being stationary for so long. She stopped at the sight of the coffee table and chair, before bending over to put them to rights before flicking on a lamp, its soft glow casting illumination around the darkened living room. She moved on auto-pilot to the bathroom, needing to shower, needing to cleanse the night's revelations from her body, as her crying had done to her mind. Raven set the water as hot as she could stand it, before shedding her clothes and stepping under the pounding spray. She stood with her head under the water, the water massaging her back muscles as she let herself relax, as she let her thoughts clarify and planned out what she would do next. Mechanically she reached for the shampoo, her body on auto drive as she prepared for what she would have to do next, how to make amends with Roy and how to move on with her life, realizing that she had been stuck in the past and had to find a way to let it go.

_I have to apologize to Roy. I don't know what I'll say, what can ever make up for two years of something like this? But I have to try, I owe him that at the very least._ She let the hot water wash away the suds from her body, letting the remains of denial and loss wash away with the water, a dream from a few nights ago whispering through her mind, a dream of remembrance, a dream of the past that she had yet to let go of. She turned off the water and stepped out of the stall, wrapping a fluffy towel around her body and another around her hair before walking to her room, and picking out her most comfy pair of pajamas.

Raven towel-dried her hair as she continued to remember the dream, the way it had been after her father had been destroyed, while she was gaining control of her emotions, and who had been the helping force in her control, and in her discovery of new emotions. It had been a sweet dream and she had been loathe to wake from it. Two days later Roy had proposed. And life as she knew it was ended; the blinders were off. She had to let go now, had to move on, or else she'd never be happy. She paused in the process of buttoning up her fleecy shirt, the soft material caressing her skin as her thoughts solidified and a plan was formed in her mind. She had to call Richard, had to let him go…had to say goodbye, for the final time, and start to live in the present.

She completed getting dressed, and mechanically hung up her towels before heading for the phone, her hands hesitant in dialing the numbers. She had to dial three times before she made it though, as she noted the time and made sure to herself that Kori would be asleep. She didn't know what she would do if Kori answered, and that thought struck her hard, and she felt tears spring to her eyes at the thought of Richard and Kori. The phone rang twice before his deep voice came over the line, and she closed her eyes tightly, feeling tears clogging her throat once again at what she was about to do, and about what it meant.

"Richard?" Her voice was wavering, and she fought to control it as she closed her eyes, feeling the tears dripping down her face.

_Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew._

_You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold onto._

_**End Flashback**_

So Raven sat watching the rain slash against the window, occasionally taking a sip of the drink in her hand, her thoughts clearing and calming, her turbulent emotions settling as both the alcohol and her actions settled into her. It was over. She had said goodbye and hopefully she could start to move on. She noticed the gradual brightening sky towards the east, and realized that it was almost dawn, and still no sign of Roy. She sighed once again, before setting the empty glass on the table beside the chair, just as she heard the front door click open.

Raven turned slowly and looked at Roy, soaked to the bone, and obviously miserable. The stared at each other for infinitely long moments before Raven stood and moved towards the soaked archer, removing his jacket and wrapping the afghan around his shivering form before closing the door behind him.

"Come in Roy, dry off. Are you alright?" She moved him towards the bathroom as she spoke, reaching for a towel to dry his hair with. He looked at her, his eyes haunted with deep bags underneath them. He opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head.

"It's alright Roy, we'll figure it out later, for right now, you need to dry off and rest, we can talk afterwards. It will be alright." Her voice was soft as she spoke to him, and he leaned against her, his weariness settling in as he soaked up her presence once again, knowing that there was no going back, and scared of what the future would bring.

_And when the stars fall, I will lie awake;_

_You're my shooting star._

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So that's it. I hope you enjoyed it, I do believe I'll be continuing it, unless of course everyone hates it, and then well...actually I have no idea what I'll do if that's the case, but I guess I'll figure that out if it happens. 

So, please review. And I promise, I am working on a new chapter to "Only new Beginnings" Robin is being stubborn and won't help me write him. Darn boy blunder!! But it should be up before Christmas.

Aurora Mikayla


	3. Beautiful Disaster

I'm alive!! I know, I know, this has taken forever, but I had a really hard time writing this. In fact this is my fourth attempt at this chapter, so I hope you enjoy it. If you don't, well that's alright. This is the unedited version, so please ignore any typos you find in it, I'll edit it eventually.

This is based on the song "Beatiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson. I don't own the characters or the song, and I am making no profit from it.

This is dedicated to all my wonderful reviewers who encouraged me to update and have given me such a positive response to this story since I didn't know if I should write it in the first place.

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She watched him silently as he hunched over his desk, scribbling furiously over some papers. The afternoon sun lit the room, throwing the occupant into stark relief, his every detail outlined in golden light, giving him an angelic halo. However, his choice of attire and looks seemed to possess a darkness of their own, lending him a look of a dark angel. His black hair was tousled from his fingers combing it constantly, his shirt and pants unaccountably wrinkled as if he had been fighting in his suit, the jacket of which was thrown over the couch that sat against one wall, the black leather matching the cherry wood of the office perfectly. His coffee cup sat half empty, long forgotten in his obsession with work. The latest crimes he was working were piled all over his desk, overlapping his responsibilities at Wayne Enterprises, where he was being groomed to be upper management under Bruce. He had been distant lately; although she had no knowledge of the particulars, she knew it had something to do with a late night phone call. He was wrapped up in his work, either at the office or out on patrol. It seemed the only time she saw him lately was when he finally gave into his body's demands and slept. Even his sleep didn't seem to be restful; as he often fought demons in his sleep, calling out to someone never named, although she suspected it wasn't herself he was calling for.

_He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
And more heaven than a heart could hold_

_And if I try to save him  
My whole world could cave in  
It just ain't right  
It just ain't right_

He straightened abruptly, spinning in his chair to pin her with his gaze. The look was almost impersonal, as if he didn't even recognize her, and for a brief moment, he probably didn't as he drowned in the information swirling through his mind, making links in the information, connecting clues and searching for answers. Then his gaze cleared, and she could almost see the mask come over his eyes as he pretended that he was happy to see her. He smiled at her, gesturing with one hand for her to join him, as a look of feigned warmth settled in his eyes, blocking out the guilt, confusion and sadness that seemed to fill them these days.

"Kori, I didn't hear you come in. How are you doing? How was your shopping?" His voice held warmth, but no love, not like it once had. He paused as he realized that she wasn't coming closer, was in fact seemingly hugging the doorframe, and with a slight frown, he rose to his feet, moving toward her with a measured step. "Kori? What's wrong?"

She watched as he moved closer, once again reminded of how graceful he was, his body toned and fit beyond most humans she knew. His walk was predatory, and sleek, no energy wasted. His footsteps made no sound on the hardwood floor, his feet bare, odd considering the time of day. She sighed as he reached out to touch her cheek gently, tilting her head up to search her eyes.

"Richard, we need to talk." Her statement was made softly, more a whisper than anything else. She felt his hand freeze on her cheek, before it dropped to his side.

"Alright, let's go to the living room." She let him turn her, and lead her into the comfortable living room of their penthouse apartment, trying to hold back the fear of their discussion, to hold back the damning words, and trying to remember that this man loved her, and that was all that she needed. Although she doubted that now…and had since the beginning, if she was honest with herself.

_Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

He led her to the couch, sitting beside her and gently holding her hand. His concern for her was obvious, but right now she couldn't stand his kindness, not when this discussion could mean the end of their relationship. She gently pulled her hand away, and turned so that she was facing him, with one leg propped up on the couch between them, an added a barrier for her peace of mind. She fidgeted with the cuff of her pants, staring at what her fingers were doing rather than meeting his dark gaze, although she could feel him watching her. She caught his movement from the corner of her eye as his hand lifted towards her, then froze in mid-gesture before falling back to his lap.

His chest rose and fell in a deep sigh, but he refrained from saying anything, awaiting the words that had been building for four long months, since the night of Raven's phone call, the night that changed everything in his life, his outlook, his perceptions, his belief in love and in himself. He watching his girlfriend of two years sitting beside him, her face in profile, her hair tied back in a ponytail, which helped to make her features look younger, although that was something Kori would never have to worry about. She looked like a model, and the only changes she had undergone since arriving on earth was a new maturity to her look, a deep knowledge in her eyes that made her look timeless instead of just beautiful. He felt his blood thrumming softly through his system in an appreciation of her beauty, but it seemed to lack the racing that accompanied Raven's picture, the heavy spread of desire that swirled through him from just gazing a her smile and fathomless eyes. His guilt returned tenfold, and he shifted in his seat, which brought Kori's head up, her eyes meeting his, the look in them blank, as she hid her feelings from him, something she had become far too good at.

"Richard…" She paused, unsure of how to continue, or even what to say. Did she want to accuse him of being unfaithful? She knew that Richard would never do that to her, he respected her far too much for that, cared about her too much to be untrue. But whether or not he had physically been untrue to her or not, he was no longer in this relationship, had given it up four months ago while he talked softly into a phone, thinking that she was asleep in their bed. "Richard…what's happened to you? What has happened to us? Are you not wanting to be in this relationship any longer?" Her questions where quiet, but had the weight of a freight train, knocking the breath from his body as he straightened in his seat at her words, his eyes flying wide at the implications.

_He's magic and myth  
As strong as what I believe  
A tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see  
And do I try to change him?  
So hard not to blame him  
Hold me tight  
Baby, hold me tight_

"Kori, I…I…What…" He stuttered to a stop, his hand running through his hair, making it spike up even farther as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, thoughts chasing through his head, words unspoken, opportunities not taken, heartache and loss and guilt swirling through his gut and making his stomach clench. "Why would you ask me that Kori?" His voice was stilted and cold, the mask of Nightwing in place, his eyes now shuttered as he opened them to look at her. He noted the pain in her features, the tears forming in her brilliant green eyes, and felt his heart clench at causing this remarkable woman pain. His eyes softened, and he raised his hand to brush her cheek, only to have her turn her head from him as the tears overflowed to run down her cheeks. "Kori?" The words were whisper soft and pleading as he clung to remnants of his belief that they could work, that they WOULD work.

"Robin, you know of what I speak. You have been of the distant and working all the time; you never have time for me anymore. We are like two strangers living together now rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. You hardly touch me anymore, and you call out to other people in your dreams. You, you…" She found herself unable to finish as she began to cry in earnest, the pain of the past few months needing a release she had denied herself for so long. She felt him gather her close to his chest, and rather than push him away, she clung to him, as her anchor in the storm, as he always had been, her best friend. She cried harder as the acceptance finally settled into her, the knowledge that she would never be more to him, could not be more to him for someone had stolen his heart long ago, and had not given it back.

He rubbed circles on her back, feeling depression set in at her tears, wondering what to do, how to make it right with the woman in his arms, how to ease her pain and make it as it was, how to let the façade of happiness fall back into place; how to keep his demons at bay once again. He held her tightly, his cheek resting on her red locks as he whispered endearments to her, his eyes closed to hide his own pain and loss; his hatred for himself at stripping away the last of her innocence; her trust in him to keep her safe and now he was breaking her heart. She had often told him of her absolute trust in him, her faith in man-kind that stemmed directly from her faith in him. He was her dark hero, her knight in shining armor, and now that armor was tarnished, her belief crumbling as he broke her heart with his distance, and obsessions; with his lies and his lack of love.

Finally she pulled away, pushed strands of her hair away that stuck to her wet cheeks and scrubbed her cheeks with her palms, erasing the tear tracks and taking deep breaths to calm down. She felt better after her tears, as if a heavy burden had finally been removed. She had been storing up the emotions for so long and could finally let go. There was a chance that they could make this work, but that depended on Richard. She no longer had the strength to keep fighting a losing battle, not when it involved her heart. She stood and wrapped her arms around her middle, seeking comfort from herself, since she could take none from him. She paced around the living room, stopping to gaze at the pictures of the Titans, of the pair of them at the park, of their friends in different places, at the love that surrounded their life when they were part of a team, and felt her eyes well up with tears again, before taking a deep breath and forcing the tears back, determined not to break down again.

_Oh 'cause I don't know  
I don't know what is after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

She spun suddenly, startling Richard in the process of standing up. He froze midway before sinking back to the couch at the bleak look in her eyes, red and puffy from the tears she had cried. She gripped her sides to keep from breaking again, her mouth opening a few times before she could manage to get the words out, her voice shaking when she finally did.

"I had the running into of friend Speedy today at the mall of shopping." Richard felt his heart speed up at the name, images of the red haired archer with Raven flooding his mind. Kori continued, noting the stiffening of his spine and the slight narrowing of his eyes. "We had the lunch together, and discussed the goings on of late." She paused here, and Richard noticed how closely she was watching him. He forced himself to relax back into the cushions, forcing a blank gaze to stop her from seeing how much the name affected him. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but she cut him off, not ready for him to say anything yet. "He did the proposing of marriage to Raven." She deliberately left the title of "friend" out of Raven's name, no longer comfortable with considering that, not after what Speedy had said to her, not after everything that had happened between them two years ago. She watched as his hands clenched into fists on his thighs, as his jaw locked and his eyes blazed, and sighed with regret. It was as she feared, as she had known after talking to Speedy about Raven's reaction to the proposal.

Richard could feel his heart thumping as the reality of Raven being lost to him sunk in, at the idea that she would belong to another so completely, and felt desolation hit as the loss of her love hit him once again. He had been such a fool to ever give her up and all because of a misplaced fear. His hands clenched and unclenched on his legs as he strove to keep his emotions under control, to keep from flying from the couch, finding her and making her his once again.

"She said no." The words were soft, but had the effect of a steam roller over his anger, his sense of loss and fear. They stopped him in his tracks, and he froze on the couch at the knowledge that she had turned down another man. Everything clicked in his mind as he realized that must have been what set her off when she had called him. Roy had proposed and they had fought when she said no. _But why did she say no? I thought they were happy together? But she said she loved me…that's why she said no, she couldn't let go. Can I? Can I really let go of her? Can I really say goodbye to Raven?_

Kori watched the emotions flicker over his face and felt her heart sink, for those emotions included hope and love. She felt the last of her own hope fall away. It was as she had suspected for many years. Richard still loved Raven, had always loved Raven, and would always love her. She had just been a substitute, and apparently not a good one, for the dark haired half-demon had always been with them, even after they stopped talking. That had happened after they had moved in together, as if that was the final breaking point for Raven, that it was the final straw. Roy and Raven had gotten together shortly after that, almost as if Raven had been making the point that she too could move on, get over Richard. Except neither had, they had clung to the memory of the other like a lifeline, nor it didn't matter who they were with, for they were forever together, even when they were apart. She hung her head, and hugged herself tighter, willing herself to be strong, and tried to convince herself that it was better this way, but the ache of her heart would not be denied and tears welled up again.

"Friend Speedy said that she could not get over you, that she had not let you go and that was why she had said no. He said that she called you that night. That you knew that Raven had not gotten over you, but you said nothing to me of this. Since that night you have been distant and cold. Are you over her Richard?" By now anger was seeping into her tone as she sought justification for why she had been led on for so long, for four months he had lied to her about Raven, about his feelings for her. "Why didn't you tell me Richard? Did I not deserve the truth?" Her head came up to watch him as he tried to find a way to justify his actions of the past four months, and realized that nothing he could say would make this better. He lied to her, had deliberately hurt her and let her continue in this charade of a relationship. Her eyes blazed green as the rest of her heart broke at the realization. "You lied to me!! You let me continue to believe that you loved me! That she meant nothing to you anymore. How could you??" Her voice had risen almost to a shout and he felt the words slice through him as easily as a batarang.

"I didn't do it on purpose Kori, you have to believe me. I didn't want to hurt you by telling you what Raven had said. I thought I could handle it on my own, that it wouldn't change anything." His voice was pleading and he stood up to make his way towards her. She drew back from his arm, and he let it fall to his side on a deep sigh. "Kori… I…I don't know what to say. I do love you Kori…" He didn't finish, but instead stood gazing down at her, seeing the pain he had caused her, and the betrayal in her gaze.

"I do not have the doubt that you love me Richard. You simply love her more. You love her like your mate of the soul, and you love me in the friendship. I was her replacement, I see that now. I should have been of the knowledge then, when you stopped the talking to her when she began the dating with friend Speedy, but I did not want to know that I was in the second of places in your heart. I love you Richard, but this is not of the meant to be. And I deserve better than this. I deserve the love of the mate of the soul, I deserve to be in the first of places of a heart."

_I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle  
Waited so long, So long  
He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the end he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take_

Richard stared at her, seeing the strength that had been hidden for so long, her strength of character and her pride. He felt his heart swell with him emotions, and had to agree with her. For the pride her felt in her at fighting for something more was the pride of a teacher for his student, of a friend for another, but not as a lover for his mate.

"I'm so sorry Kori. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't want to believe that I wasn't over Raven. I wanted to believe that you and I could have the happily ever after that I denied myself with her, and I ended up hurting you in the process. I'm so sorry." He bowed his head, unable to look at her any longer with the guilt and shame weighing on his shoulders, pushing him down, drowning him in sorrow that he had caused this wonderful woman pain, that he had broken the heart of a very dear friend. He didn't know how he would ever make this right. "What can I do Kori, to make this right with us?"

"There is nothing but time that will make this better Richard." Her voice was soft and resigned as she gently stroked his cheek, bringing his eyes back to hers. "I was recalled to Tamaran yesterday, and was going to invite you to come with me, but now I think this is of the timing of perfection, as I will go alone and we will be of the distance." She smiled gently at him and then turned towards their room to gather her clothes.

_Oh when I don't know  
I don't know what is after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

"Kori, I don't want it to end like this. I don't want to lose you as a friend. We've been through so much together, I can't lose you now. Can you ever forgive me?" He had followed her into their room and watched mutely as threw her clothes into a bag, gathering her personal belongings to take with her. She was silent as she did so, but stopped at the sound of his voice. She sighed gently (AN: they've done a lot of sighing haven't they??) before she turned to look at him, a gentle smile on her face. She stepped before him, and brushed his cheek, memorizing his features as she planned to leave her loved one.

"It's alright Robin, there is nothing to forgive you for. It is not your fault that your heart has chosen to love another, and I do not blame you for it. I am full of the wish that it did not happen like this, but this was beyond our control. I will always be your friend, you can always count on me. But I need to go right now, I will be back, but for now I must take of the leaving and return to my planet." She stroked his cheek one last time, raising up slightly to brush her lips against his cheek before turning to collect her bags. He stood mute as she walked past him towards the door, her bags in hand. He felt a tsunami of emotions as she prepared to walk out of his life; relief was welling up inside him, relief at not having to worry about hurting her anymore, no more worry about keeping a lie, not more worries about screwing up. He could finally figure out his needs and wants and what was going on with his heart. Pain and sadness warred within him at having hurt Kori, at breaking her heart and lying to her to save his own. Confusion as to the next step in his life, and worry about what would happen to them now.

"Kori, I…" He stopped in front the open door she had just stepped through, his thought uncompleted at he gazed at her beauty, and a sense of loss crashed over him. She turned back to him one last time, and smiled at him, a reflection of her former cheerful, younger self.

"I know Richard. I love you too. It is better this way. This was not of the meant to be. It has been a beautiful disaster." With those final words, she turned and walked away, her head held high as she prepared for a new life away from the one she loved.

_He's beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster_

* * *

Well that's it for now, i hope you enjoy it. Please review if you did, and heck even if you didn't. I always love feedback. However if it's simply that Raven and Robin shouldn't be together, stick it up your nose, I like them together and it's my story!!

I have the song for the next chapter which will be in Robin's point of view, then one in Raven's and then one or two more depending on whether or not I choose to use two more songs or not.

If you haven't please read and revew the newest chapter of Only New Beginnings as I got very little feedback about it, and I"m really unsure of whether or not to continue on that track. It was posted awhile ago I know, but please...

That's it for now!

Aurora Mikayla


	4. It's Not Over

Hello dear readers!!! I am SO very sorry this has taken so long, but I have had major writer's block. So here is the next chapter!! Woo-hoo!!

I hope you enjoy it, please review and let me know. I tried and tried for this chapter, but Robin is extremely difficult to write lately and he's irritating me quite a bit. So please do enjoy.

The song is "It's not over" by Chris Daughtry. I love it!! I don't own anything to do with it, not the lyrics, not the music and unfortunately not the royalties.

* * *

The Tower stood stark against the black night, no lights illuminating the interior, its inhabitants long since departed. The full moon washed it in silver and gave it an eerie glow, making it seem haunted, it's windows gaping black eyes staring out over the water towards the city it used to guard, but its guardians had abandoned it, and now it simply stood as a silent sentinel, waiting for its time to come again, when another would have use for it, or when time itself would deem that it's duty was over and allow it to be washed beneath the ways, a silent grave for the memories of a group teens who had lived together protecting a city, growing together, bonding, living, loving and losing. Although many interlopers had tried to get within the Tower, looking for souvenirs, they had been denied access, the defence systems still in place, protecting, awaiting the ones who would awaken it once more from its enforced slumber.

Nightwing drifted around the Tower living room, trailing gloved fingers through the dust that had settled onto the furniture. Nobody had thought to remove the furniture, it had seemed unnecessary, or simply too much of a burden for any of them to bear, as if it would make it all permanent in a way that couldn't be undone. It had been at least three years since someone had been in the Tower, the Titans having disbanded shortly after the debacle with Raven. They hadn't stayed long after the resident empath had left, the final fight having severed too many ties, hurt far too many people.

The dust had settled thickly on the couches and other surfaces in the living room and kitchen. Everything had faded to a dull grey from the heavy coating, and the air was stifling, the ventilation systems shut down in an effort to conserve energy. The light shone brightly through the windows, the full moon illuminating the shadows, making it almost seem like daytime. The night was peaceful; the breeze from the open window stirring dust eddies in the air, swirling around him like a cloak. He was surprised by how much the Tower still called to him, especially given how long it had been since he had been within the Tower walls, and how long he had spent in a foreign city, unwilling and unable to face the memories that were rampant in the Tower. In fact the last time he had been here had been that final fight with Raven, when he had… He broke off those thoughts before they lead him down a road he didn't want to visit again, the memories of that fight forever fresh in his mind, the hurtful words, the accusations, the final bleak look in Raven's eyes as she had disappeared into her soul self, fading into the floor and out of their lives.

The team had disbanded and lost touch for awhile, each one going their own way until time could heal some of the wounds, or at least cool some of the anger to bring them back to the point of listening. It had been small steps at first, a tentative outreaching by Beast Boy to each of them to invite them to a party he was part of, the only one of the team members willing and able to reach out to all of them, the only one without the deep seated guilt of what had happened, what had been said…Shaking his head in exasperation Nightwing headed for the door, their silent opening a testament to the skills that had gone into the building of the Tower, a testament to the strength of their foundation.

_I was blown away.  
What could I say?  
It all seemed to make sense.  
You've taken away everything,  
And I can't deal with that.  
_

Nightwing drifted, lost in memories of a simpler time, a time when he had felt accepted, loved and a part of something bigger than himself. He longed for it, in a way that surprised him, for he had long ago convinced himself that everything that had happened had been for the best, for himself and for the team, but mainly for her. For his Raven.

He found himself in front of her door, no recollection of how he had come to be there, but his feet and heart had seemingly led him to her door, closed and barred even though the dark bird no longer resided within. He could almost hear her voice softly wafting through the door, inviting him in, allowing him into her domain, into her life. It had happened so long ago, but he could remember it like yesterday. He stepped forward silently, triggering the motion sensor, causing the doors to slide silently open. The pitch black of her room was slashed with beams of light from the window, creating patches of silver to light his way into her personal domain.

Like the living room, everything was covered with a layer of dust, but the memories from this room crowded quickly into his mind, overwhelming his senses as he stared at the bed, convinced he could still smell her perfume, feel her beneath his hands, and taste her on his lips. He was transfixed as colour flooded the room, Raven's bric-a-brac filling the shelves and tables, her satin purple sheets laid perfectly on her bed as she floated above it in the lotus position, her cloak abandoned on a chair, her hair sweeping her hips in the breeze from her open window. Her form was wrapped in her white leotard, her choice in clothing since the destruction of her father. It hugged her curves in a way that made him want to hug her to him…He watched as a younger version of himself, dressed as a walking street-light crept silently towards her bed, spellbound at the vision of his dark goddess. He could feel the peace that had settled over that Robin, watched as his younger self settled into a chair to watch Raven meditate, matching his breathing to hers, deliberately relaxing his body to match hers.

Nightwing couldn't tear his gaze away as Raven slowly drifted back down to the bed, choosing to end her meditation as his presence washed over her, his younger self staying seated until she had come to rest on the mattress and opened her eyes, her smile lighting her face with a glow from within before moving towards her, crossing the floor silently before he settled on the bed at her side.

"How are you feeling today? Any troubles?" He brushed her hair off her forehead, brushing the bandages wrapped around her head. It was merely a formality, as her healing abilities didn't require bandages to be effective, but Cyborg had needed to do something by way of aid, and the bandages had made him feel better about it.

Raven smiled gently at him, a slight up titling of the lips which would have seemed insignificant on anyone else, but on her was the same as an ear to ear grin on someone else. She reached up and grabbed his hand, entwining her fingers through his and bringing them to rest lightly on her leg.

"I'm fine, the head wound is the last to heal and it only causes me minor discomfort now. I'll be back to normal by tomorrow, no need to worry about me." Her thumb gently caressed the back of his hand as her words washed over him, caressing the last of the tension from his body. He leaned forward until his forehead rested gently against hers, their eyes still locked together.

"I was so worried about you, when I saw that hit, I was so scared that you wouldn't make it, and I couldn't come to you, I couldn't…" His voice trailed off as the memory flashed behind his eyes again, the sound of her hitting the building, her shields giving way as she fell to the ground, unmoving, the ground beneath her flowing red with her blood, the sounds of the fight falling silent, his own yell the only thing he could hear….he suddenly surged up, his lips claiming hers with a desperation as he tried to drown out the scenes in his mind with the reality of her being so close, her smell surrounding him, the feel of her beneath his hands, the softness of her lips pressed against his.

He pulled back to gasp in air, shifting until they were laying side by side on her bed, his arms wrapped tightly around her, pulling her in close to rest against him, his breath heaving in his chest as he fought down the panic.

"I thought I'd lost you Raven, and I couldn't get to you, I was so scared, I…" He cut off as her fingers pressed against his lips.

"Shhhh Robin, I'm fine. We're both fine." She pushed herself up until she was resting against his chest looking down at him, her hair a curtain around them, closing out the rest of the world. "We're here together and everything will be fine." She pressed her lips against his softly, a gentle kiss of reassurance before he took it over and turned it into passion, his hands drifting down her back, before coming back up and pushing at the shoulders of her leotard to push it from her body…

_I try to see the good in life,  
But good things in life are hard to find.  
We'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around._

Nightwing sucked in a breath as the light was seemingly sucked from the room dispelling the images and he was returned to the mundane reality of shadows and grey, the colour leeching from the room along with the smell of her perfume and the feel of satiny skin.

His feet carried him over to the bed and before he knew it he stood before it, looking down on the mattress bare of its silken sheets that had always clothed it in all his past visits. He ran his hand over the mattress, imagining the feel of silk beneath his fingers. He sat on the side of the bed and stared towards the head of it, picturing his Raven sleeping there, her hair spread out like a fan, her face composed and restful in slumber. He reached towards the image and it shimmered like a mirage, fading before his eyes. His hand clenched into a fist and pushed into the mattress until he could feel the springs pushing into his hand. He hated the feelings rushing through him, bringing his agony to the surface again, bringing feelings he had long thought suppressed back into the light, back to the forefront of his mind so that he had to deal with them, face them, acknowledge that they had never gone away.

Richard took off the mask that had hidden his eyes for so long and looked at the room with unshielded eyes, unable to hide the truth from himself any longer; without the mask of Nightwing to hide behind. He had told himself he had come here to find the truths he had left behind, to face the final moments that had separated them, and to reaffirm that he had made the right decision in letting her go, in fact, forcing her to leave him. His heart told him that he had come looking for a reason to go to her, looking for a reason to try to get back what they had shared. He had hurt Kori because of his inability to let go of Raven, to let go of a relationship that he had driven apart by his fear.

_Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over_.

He couldn't bear to sit on her bed any longer and remember the time he had spent with her there; the wonder he had felt when she had finally let him into her life, and then into her bed. It had been a long time coming, but when they had finally consummated their relationship it had been a turning point in his life, their connection had been more than physical, they had cemented their mental bond until the feeling of pleasure had been overwhelming; he had been unable to determine where she started and he ended. It had been the most amazing feeling of his life, and he had driven her away because of it, because of his fear that she would leave him, or be taken from him by one of the many monsters that haunted their city.

Richard stood and stalked around the room running his fingers over the shelves and walls, feeling her in the room, her ghost haunting him with everything he had had, and everything that he'd lost. His mask lay abandoned behind him on the bed, Nightwing left behind as Richard drowned in the memories of Raven. He stopped abruptly, and rested his forehead against the wall, his clenched hands punching the wall in agitation. He hadn't felt this helpless since the death of his parents, not since Raven had been in the grasp of Slade and her father. He sighed and turned, resting his head back against the wall, his head leaning back, eyes closing. He didn't miss the fact that he grouped Raven with his parents, with his family. The Titans had been his family for so long that it was natural that he felt that way, but with Raven it was always so much more. She was, as Kori had said, the mate of his soul. He had felt lost and adrift before he had met her and when they had separated, the cold had seeped back into his soul, unable to find the hope he had spent his life searching for and had found in a sarcastic half demon from Azarath.

_Taken all I could take,  
And I cannot wait.  
We're wasting too much time  
Being strong, holding on.  
Can't let it bring us down._

With an abrupt move he shoved himself off the wall, his hands clenching through his hair as he signed deeply and stared at the floor, torn about what it was he should be doing. He noticed a glint of what appeared to be silver on the floor, and stooping down, picked up necklace that had apparently be forgotten in Raven's haste to leave the Tower. Or else had been left there because she couldn't stand to have the reminder of who had given it to her, or perhaps why. He stood slowly, fingering the delicate chain. He remembered shopping for it; it was for her birthday, a one year celebration for the destruction of her father. He had spent hours looking for the perfect gift before he had found the locket staring out at him from an antiques shop. The old style decoration and inscription had screamed to him that it should belong to Raven. It was a simple design, elegant and flowing like Raven in flight. On the back he had had _Forever our Hope_ inscribed with the year, not that he believed that Raven would ever forget the date, but because it had been the year they turned 19, they were no longer the Teen Titans, they had become the Titans instead. There were changes around every corner of the Tower, growth in both physical and mental abilities, changes in uniform, team dynamics and love. Love was blossoming within the Tower and Robin had admitted to himself that he was a guilty party in that. The changes Raven had undergone, not only the physical although she was absolutely gorgeous with the changes to her uniform and the uncut violet hair, but the small showing of emotions, it was intoxicating to watch the expressions that flitted across her face, and seeing her realize that things weren't blowing up when she dared to show emotion. It was when she had laughed uninhibited that he realized just what it was that was flowing through him when he was with her. It had been love, probably had been for years, but he had been too blind and too scared to admit it. But when she had been set free…it was as if the proverbial light bulb had gone on for him, and he had finally allowed him to see his feelings in a new light.

It had been so easy to enter into a relationship with her, their trust and friendship had blossomed in the year following the destruction of her father, and only one person had been surprised when the announcement came that they were dating. Well, announcement might have been the wrong word. He grinned slightly to himself as he fingered the locket and remembered how Cyborg had found the two birds in the training room, Robin having told the team that he was going to teach Raven some further hand to hand combat and sword play, but that plan had swiftly changed once Robin had knocked Raven to the floor and her retaliation of tripping him had him sprawled half on top of her, and shortly thereafter engaged in a different kind of training, something much more enjoyable for both, something that involved emotions, and lips. To say Cyborg had been surprised would be an understatement. His bellow had roused the other Titans who had rushed to the room battle-ready and had stopped in shock at Cyborg yelling at the top of his lungs at Robin, demanding to know why he had dared to have his hands all over his baby sister and how he was going to rip his limbs off. Raven stood there, a little shocked by his vehemence while Robin tried to explain to Cyborg that it wasn't what it looked like, and that he should calm down, before he started to get angry himself, telling Cyborg it was none of his business and that he loved Raven so he was damn well entitled to kiss her. That had silenced all of them, including Raven who was as shocked as the rest at his statement. His smile dimmed as he remembered the elation that had flitted over her face when he confirmed it to her and their friends. It had made it real for her in a way she never knew she needed, the move from the shadows into the light had made her heart soar as their friends had congratulated them. That had been their night of passion, their first night together as couple and he had never felt another like it, the awe and wonder in her eyes as they had peaked together, the feeling of laying with her wrapped in his arms after their shared bliss, the feel of her satin skin against his, her hair covering them like a cloak, the room gone silent and still around them, the world stopping for just them. He had never forgotten the feeling, had simply pushed it into the back of his mind in the hopes of leaving her in his past, and moving forward with his future.

_My life with you means everything,  
So I won't give up that easily.  
I'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
'Cause it's all misunderstood.  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around._

Pushing the past away had never been something he was good at. He had never been able to let the death of his parents go, had never learned how to move on from the emotional baggage. Batman had not been the best of teachers in that area, but even his emotionally repressed mentor had moved on from the past, had in fact found a love of his own in the raven haired Amazon Princess. Watching Batman and Diana had been difficult, as he had been unable to hide behind his own fears while the Bat and the Princess had moved past his hang-ups and were currently working at starting a future together. Watching someone who had never been good at forming relationships of any kind, fall in love had been an eye opener for him, but he had pushed it away, had told himself that he was different, that he was fine, that the relationship with Kori was all he needed, even if it wasn't as deep as he may want, even if it wasn't what he had dreamed of for years, it was good, it was solid. She cared about him, she loved him with everything that she was and would do anything for him. It was everything a man could hope for…except she didn't challenge him, didn't make him crazy with a quirk of her eyebrow, didn't make his heart beat faster with just the smell of her hair and didn't make him want to drop to his knees and worship her like the goddess she is.

He smirked at these thoughts, his thoughts circling like they had so many times before, since that phone call that had changed his entire perception of how he was living his life, the phone call which had shaken his belief in his choices, had smacked his fear in the face and told it to shut the hell up. He had been so afraid of losing Raven, of making a mistake and having her leave him, that he had driven her away, had taken the steps to sever himself from her before she could do it to him, his fears that everyone who loved him had left him, everyone who meant something to him had been stolen from him, so he had closed himself off from her, especially when she had told him that she was pregnant.

It had scared him to the core that he could become a father. What kind of would he be, when his example was a cold hearted hero who had kept himself closed himself off from the world around him, including his adopted son. Alfred had always been kind to Dick, but he was the butler, and kept himself at a distance from the child, leaving Dick to fend for himself, and eventually to follow his "Dad" into the family business of crime fighting. His lessons had taught him to keep himself closed off to other people, to not allow anyone to get to close to him, for anyone that was close to him could be hurt, could be used against him, and now the woman he had foolishly allowed himself to fall in love with was pregnant with his child. He had been at a loss as to what to do about it, had taken over a week to even come to grips with the idea. During that time he had been closed off from Raven had left her to deal with all of the issues that had arisen, all the questions the team had by herself. It had taken them some to time to come to an understanding as a Team and as a couple. There had been many adjustments to make, and Raven's training had been shortened as none of them knew what physical demands would be made on her body with this child. They had taken care of her, Starfire buying more toys that the baby could possibly play with, Cyborg ramping up protection and the T-car because nothing was going to touch his nephew while he had any say in the matter, Beast Boy offering to teach their child all about video games when he was old enough. It had been amazing how the team had banded together, and Raven had flourished thrilled with the child growing in her womb. They had moved in together and had planned their lives together.

And then the fight had happened, the fight with Slade.

_Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over._

The alarm had gone off in the middle of the night, waking the sleeping Titans and bringing the ever alert Boy Wonder from his haven with his goddess. He had been adamant about her not going, but she had been even more determined to be there for this confrontation as Slade had always been the one that seemed to get away. They had piled into the T-car, Robin on his R-cycle in the lead. The fight had been intense, Slade having brought reinforcements in the form of drones and Cinderblock. Raven had been injured, a blow from Cinderblock throwing her into the wall, her shield collapsing under the hit, her body hitting the pavement with a thud that Robin swore he could hear over the sounds of the fight, and Slade's taunts about the fallen bird. He had flown to her side, scared for her and for their child. Slade had gotten away, Cinderblock taken down in the combined efforts of Cyborg and Starfire. And Raven….Raven had lost the baby.

He could remember the blood and Cyborg's frantic attempts to save their child, Raven's powers barely stabilizing her. It had been the longest night of his life as he spent it pacing in the corridor, Cyborg having kicked him out of the infirmary when his fear had bloomed into panic as Raven flat-lined. He had almost pulled out his hair waiting for news, hope dying in his chest at the look on Cyborg's face as he exited the medical lab. He didn't wait to hear the news before rushing into the room, seeing nothing but Raven. She was floating above the bed in her healing trance. He nearly collapsed with relief before he noticed that she no longer had the slight bump of the early signs of her pregnancy. Their baby had been lost, and his heart fell through his feet and straight through the floor in devastation at that realization. He stayed with Raven for 3 days, his thoughts swirling in a vortex of anger, self-loating, denial, desolation and relief. His vigil at her side didn't end until he saw her awake, her eyes meeting his, a slight smile on her face until she saw the cold look on his. Her hand had brushed over her stomach, an instinctive gesture she had recently started to do while she felt the life of their child growing with her womb. At the contact with her flat stomach she felt the loss of the life within herself, noting for the first time that the heartbeat she had grown accustomed to was missing. Tears filled her eyes and she instinctively reached out the Robin, needing comfort, needing confirmation that this was her reality. He didn't move as her hand stretched towards him, didn't react at all other than to stare at her. She dropped her hand slowly back to her side, eyes shuttering at his refusal to touch her. She pursed her lips as her other hand clenched at her side as she restrained herself from attempting to reach him again. She wet her lips, her throat suddenly parched as fear clenched in her stomach.

"Robin?" Her voice was soft, leached of emotion as she reached for their bond, only now becoming aware of the fact that it was muted, as if he had closed himself off from her, which he hadn't done in months.

Robin stared at the woman before him, unable to think past the hurt and anger clouding his judgment as he lashed out at the empath that had just lost their baby.

"It's your fault! If you hadn't been so thoughtless, if you had just stayed at home as I had asked, my baby would still be alive!! IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!" He had risen by this time, his voice rising as well, until he was shouting at her at the top of his voice, his hands clenched at his sides, almost vibrating with his fury, lashing out at his loved one, just as he had lashed out at his mentor when he found out that Bruce was the Bat and hadn't saved his parents. "You did it!! You couldn't protect her, you let her die so you could be the hero again! How could you?? You killed our baby! I will never forgive you for this!!"

Raven drew back on the bed in shock before shutting down completely. Her face became her stone mask, not saying anything, not trying to defend herself against his accusations, her voice failed her as his emotions surged through her, shutting down her mind to everything but his fury towards her, his hurt, his grief. What didn't come through was his love, like it always had before. He left her in that moment and so she shut down, unable to get past her own hurt and pain to focus on the fact that he might simply be lashing out from grief, her own grief too overwhelming to deal with his as well. She allowed her soul-self to envelope her, even as the others ran in to see what Robin was shouting about. She gathered her possessions from her room and left the only place she had considered home.

Richard ran his fingers through his hair as the shouting match with the other Titans ran through his mind. It had also been the night he left the Tower, the night that the Titans had disbanded. The next night he became Nightwing, shutting himself down and shutting out the world until Beast Boy had brought them all together again, six months later. He hadn't been able to justify to himself why he had gone, told himself that it was to check up on his teammates, but it had been because he was trying to find his dark bird. But they hadn't all shown up. Raven had been missing. Nobody could find her, not even the Batman with all his resources. She had simply decided to disappear and nobody was better at hiding than the half-demon. The old team kept in touch, Starfire moving to Bludhaven to be with Nightwing, to work at his side again, to be part of something for she could not be by herself for long. He had let her into his city for reasons unknown even to himself, but he thought it could be loneliness and as a sign to himself and Raven that he could live without her.

Six months later Raven had resurfaced, going to college, attempting to earn her degree in business and anthropology. He had been elated, but told himself that he had everything he needed in Starfire, who had moved in with him only two weeks prior. It had been difficult to stay away, and he had eventually caved, telling himself that he was checking up on an old teammate, making sure that she wasn't in any danger. He followed her to her apartment, the one she had purchased and decorated when she had learned that she was going to have a baby. They such grand plans, they had planned to have a place of their own, a place to raise their baby together. Now it was just her there, and he watched her through the balcony doors, keeping the barrier on their bond so that she couldn't feel him from his vantage point, his fear of her anger and rejection stopping him from reaching out to her. He watched as she made herself some dinner, settling down to study for the night when the phone rang. He was glad she had made friends, but he couldn't tamp down the jealously that was threatening to overwhelm him at the idea of someone else making her smile like that, especially if it was a guy. Nightwing had researched it, and found out that not only was it a guy, it was a former comrade in arms, none other than Roy Harper, the red-haired archer of Titans East. They were apparently taking classes together at the university, completely by chance. His jealously ate at him and he eventually found himself back there watching them together as they studied, grew closer and eventually started dating. It had been the end for them in his mind, and he had committed to Kori, convincing himself that she was all he needed, but a part of him had been screaming inside him for the past three years, demanding that he go to her, bond with her again, connect to the other half of his soul again.

_We can't let this get away.  
Let it out, let it out.  
Don't get caught up in yourself.  
Let it out._

Here he was again, back in the place where it had all started and ended, at an impasse once again, only this time he didn't have a back-up plan, no Kori to fall back on, no shield to hide behind and cover his feelings with. Standing in her room, he couldn't stop himself from dreaming of their reunion, imagining what it would be like to be with her again, to feel her pressed up against him, to feel the satin of her skin, and the emotions that surged through him at the touch of her lips against his.

Determined to find her and make it right, to fix his mistakes and beg her to take him back, Richard closed his eyes and focused his thoughts on Raven, which wasn't hard to do, as she seemed to monopolize his thoughts most of the time anyway. He focused on his love for her, his trust in her and the complete belief that it wasn't, couldn't be over. He found their bond, lying dormant for years at the back of his mind where he had pushed it in despair and desperation after pushing her away. It flickered like a candle guttering in the wind, and it was faint, but it was still there. He focused on it, and his need for the empath from Azarath, and it flared to life, fueled by his emotions as it had been fueled by her need to help him so many years before. He flowed with it as it flew over the city and into the neighboring towns. It finally led him to a small place he knew well, where the other half of his soul resided. He felt her flicker of surprise and cut off his end swiftly, once he knew he would be able to find her; he didn't want her warned of his coming in case she blocked him and fled so that he wouldn't be able to find her. His smile as his eyes opened was confidant, an echo of a boy who had dressed like a walking traffic light who fell in love with a dark angel.

His steps carried him swiftly back to the base of the Tower where his motorcycle awaited him. While it was no longer the red of his youth it was a powerful machine, befitting of the hero who rode it, and he straddled it quickly, gunning the engine before spinning it and taking off through the tunnel entrance, the security system resetting as he left the Tower behind; it would wait for another chance at life, for perhaps its heroes would come back to it, or perhaps new ones would grace its halls and fill it with life and laughter once more. For now it was content with its memories, the ghosts of five teens who had found life, laughter, tears, sorrow and love within its T shaped structure.

_Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over._

He watched her through the window as she sat in her favourite coffee shop, drinking a chai tea latte while reading a book. Her unbound hair fell down her back, the tips brushing her hips. The rich purple a startling contrast to the black of her jacket hung on the back of her chair. She was dressed in black jeans, with a cowl neck, sleeveless midnight blue cashmere sweater. To his eyes she looked lush and beautiful, and he longed to reach out and run his fingers through her hair again, to stroke his fingers down her cheek, to trace her lips like he had so many times before. He watched as she slowly sipped from her cup, never looking down as she placed the mug back on the table. He finally dragged his eyes away from her and moved swiftly towards the door, holding back his aura as she had taught him so long ago, so that she would be unable to sense him until he wanted her to.

Raven didn't look up at the jingle of the bell, but when she felt his presence wash over her she tensed but refrained from looking up. She had felt him earlier, through the bond, as if he was trying to find her through it. It had been an experience she hadn't felt in over 3 years, and it had shaken her. She had forgotten what it felt like to be connected like that, had reveled in the emotions that had flooded her as she felt him with her for the first time in years. For one glorious second she hadn't felt alone, but then she remembered who they were, what was going on, and what had happened between them, and didn't try to reestablish the connection when it was abruptly severed. She had convinced herself that it had been an aberration on his part; that it meant nothing, but Knowledge had been unable to convince Love and Hope, had in fact been swayed to their side and had aided in the search for that connection again. But it hadn't been there, he had shut down once again, and she was unable to find him, until he had walked into her coffee house; now she was flooded with his emotions and feelings. Now she sat, pretending to be still immersed in her book, sipping her latte as she waited for his next move.

Richard walked towards her table swiftly, scanning the room for any potential dangers, a lifetime of training kicking in as he focused all his senses on the woman in front of him, the woman who had held him since the moment they met, and he felt his stomach clench in both anticipation and fear, for regardless of what she had said to him that night on the phone, it was perhaps too late for them already, perhaps their time had passed and he had messed it up too badly. He knew that she could feel him and the fact that she didn't look up at him as he approached her tightened the knot in his stomach and he could feel his heart trying to climb out his throat. He stopped as he reached the table and stared down at her hear, noticing the fact that her fingers were clenching the book so tightly that her knuckles were white and her breathing was carefully controlled. Richard took a deep breath, inhaling the faint scent of Raven, an intoxicating smell that had lingered in his mind for months after their break-up, but now that he was faced with reality of her presence and that mix of vanilla and lavender, he was starting to feel light-headed, and very uneasy about what he was doing there. She shifted slightly and that broke him out of his stupor as he realized that he was making her extremely uncomfortable for her to move like that. Gathering his courage and saying a silent prayer, he cleared his throat.

"Raven."

The word was soft but there was such emotion behind the word that Raven didn't know how to react, but unable to deny herself the opportunity to see him again, she raised her eyes to his and the world fell away from them as it had a lifetime ago when a pair of super heroes fell in love.

_Let's start over.  
It's not over, yeah...  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over._

* * *

So that's it, I hope you enjoyed it!! Please review, let me know what you think of it. I'm trying to figure out where I want it to go next. Should they get back together? I'm still deciding and have yet to find another song I like for the next chapter.

Aurora Mikayla


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